7 months later..... still trudging through the mess Cancer left, inconsiderate jerk.

Fast Forward... to today. I am probably about 4 and 1/2 months out of hospital treatment and 6 months Cancer Free. The Tumor was small, 3.8 cm, and so It would seem to me like I should just move on, forget about all this Cancer stuff. It wasn't as if I had to have extensive Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments, I didn't lose my fertility, and I have a minuscule chance of recurrence. So why can't I just "Move On"? Truthfully, I don't know the answer to this question. I have spoken to many other survivors, I know about the "New Normal". I attended the OMG Summit 2014 this last April, and it was exactly what I needed to cope with my diagnosis and the impact it will have on the rest of my life. I was able to meet so many amazing young adults, All fighting various battles, and a safe place for me to finally talk about "the Cancer". I just usually feel like I make everyone in the room uncomfortable if I bring up "the Cancer" but its always right there in the fore front of my mind. I try to be as grateful as I can be, My Cancer was caught early, I'm one of the "lucky ones" I guess. and don't get me wrong, I do feel lucky, but I feel like if were looking at things from a luck perspective, I would have to say the people who manage to live their entire lives and NOT get Cancer, would be the winners...... Somehow, being 30 and having ALREADY had kidney Cancer just seems crummy.  The Financial aftermath Cancer has left Me and so many other AYA Survivors with is devastating, and probably unfathomable to the other people in my age group. I would have to say my treatment alone, this is without Chemo mind you, cost at least 50,000 when all was said and done, maybe more. Every time I get a scan, or have to see my other doctors, it costs. Then there would be the scarring, internal scarring in and around the Kidney that was worked on will flair up and hurt. And you can forget about Alcohol, 1 beer has me throbbing. Those carefree after work happy hours are no more for this 30 something gal. And the 4 or 5 scars on my abdomen from the numerous surgeries, and the way my waist is now always shaped like I have a rubber band cutting me across the middle, which takes a toll on how I view myself as a woman. That and the weight I gained as a result of being convalescent for close to 4 months doesn't help in that respect either. I am comforted by the #underthereddress movement, A group dedicated to helping women cope with the aftermath of Cancer on their bodies, and StupidCancer.org, A group dedicated to reaching out and helping AYA Cancer patients and survivors to give them the resources and support they need during these trying times.  But I'm still lost at sea here. I'm still feeling the isolation that Cancer brings. Kidney Cancer is rare in Young People. It is generally found In either very young children (wilm's tumor) or in Adults (Mainly men) over 60, but its becoming more prevalent in the AYA community. The More I read about it, the more talk to other RCC survivors online, I keep hearing about how sneaky it can be. How people have been deemed "cancer free" only to have it show up in their lungs or bones. I am still just as terrified of it as I was the day they found it, and I don't even have it anymore. I have to say the scariest thing about this entire experience was having to trust another human being with my life, and that's exactly what I have to do, whenever My doctor tells me I'm OK, that the cancer is gone, I have to trust that he's not missing something. Which is difficult when you have been under doctor's care since childhood, had yearly check ups, blood-tests, surgeries, and even chest x rays, And they never found a thing, but the only way to really see Kidney cancer early is to look at the kidneys, which unless you have kidney stones, they usually don't. So in closing, Friends, if you have your health, Keep it. Don't Smoke, and enjoy the little things you take for granted..... your energy, your peace of mind, that little extra cash you get to spend on yourself at the end of each month, the way you feel like you look great right before a night out with the girls, and NOT having 2 panic attacks over a doctor's appointment. :) If your are in the same boat as me however, don't despair. We have an appreciation of life's moments that others can't understand, because we know how precious and fleeting they can be. We know what we have and measure our riches in moments, not dollars. We have Family, Friends, Fellow Survivors, and the knowledge that WE KICKED CANCER'S ASS, is there anything we can't do?